


The Colour of Ships

by Cal_J_Fielding



Category: due South
Genre: Introspection, M/M, POV First Person
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-17
Updated: 2011-07-17
Packaged: 2017-10-21 12:02:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/224968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cal_J_Fielding/pseuds/Cal_J_Fielding
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kowalski internal rambling, his thoughts about Fraser, within a COTW setting.  Slash overtones.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Colour of Ships

"There are red ships and green ships but no ships like partnerships"

Why is it that only during a bout of hypothermia, whilst hanging off the side of a mountain in the middle of the frozen north, can I tell how I really feel.

Partnership.

That's what it all came down to. The reason I was there in the first place, risking life, limb and sanity, if I hadn't lost that a long time ago, just so Fraser could get his man.

Fraser.

Something else it all came down to. Only to Frase could I have said something like that, and actually wished he knew what I really meant.

And therein lies my problem. Do I really want him to know, or was that the cold talking. Deep down I think I want to tell him, want to know if he could accept me with that fact included, and I think he could. Fraser's not the type to judge on things like that.

But I'm also scared.

What if he does judge, or feels uncomfortable with it, or what if he doesn't care and just would never consider someone like me. God knows he shouldn't. I know it too. And so I haven't told him, not properly. Just some obscure words muffled by the wind, the odd touch or smile, and if I think back, how long I have really been trying to tell him for is clear.

I've loved him from the first time I met him. No, that's I lie, but from the moment when he first called me Ray. I don't always like him, sometimes I down right despise the guy, but I love him. Always and forever.

It hurts though sometimes, being with Fraser. Being with him, but not being with him. Being Ray, but not his Ray. Being the other guy. But it's nothing new, I've been the other guy since the start. To those who knew Vecchio, I was the replacement, to those who didn't, I was the guy next to Fraser.

"You see the good looking guy in red, the Mountie, it's the other guy you want."

I didn't mind, not with Fraser, I mean Frase is like, well, he's a Mountie, you know, something different, something special, and people recognise that, but it's happening with Vecchio now. Now he's come back and taken my life, well taken his life, but it was mine for a while, the only good thing I had what with The Stella gone and everything. I'd jumped at the chance.

"Goodbye Stanley Kowalski, hello Ray Vecchio"

The Mountie had been a bonus.

I thought I was mad when we first met. Like completely insane mad, then I realised that nobody had informed the guy of the situation and the rest of the day had been a lot more fun, even the bit were we drove the Riviera into the lake they call Michigan.  And later on he'd called me Ray.

Then we were partners, the old one – two punch, a duet, good partners and friends, at least Fraser said so, and Mounties don't lie so I was inclined to believe him, I wanted to believe him, but Vecchio was always there, at the back of my mind, at the front of his, on the ends of unfinished sentences.

And then he came back.

The style pig to my bag lady, the original to my pretence. I was nothing like the guy, where he was slick and suave, I was ready to kick people in the head, and Fraser, Frase just seemed so happy and I was losing everything I had all over again.

A couple of days and a few non-existent turtles later and here I am, soon I'll either have everything or nothing, but whatever happens I'm going to have that adventure, and hopefully one of the out reaching hands I find will be Fraser's, cos I think me and Frase are going to have another discussion about the colour of ships, ours in particular.


End file.
